More Answers... (08/03/26): The Art (and science!) of Easing Up

Hi Everyone, 

Here are More Answers... to help you head into the work week. Remember, you can see previous newsletters at askchrista.com/MoreAnswers.

Today's Topic: The Art (and science!) of Easing Up

Important intro note: This is a post about how we can shift our priorities, and if you have a lot of them or if you presently feel overwhelmed by them, I ask that you read this post twice if you relate to it. This is because the first read may feel so relatable that you have a hot flash or any other type of triggering feeling. I ask that you work through it because as with all of my posts, this is meant to offer relief, ideas, understanding, cited sources to learn more, and (overall) my care of everyone in the Ask Christa! community. 

OK, here we go... 

Shifting Priorities 

I've never bene a Type A personality, although 30 years ago when it was common habit to "diagnose" people to put them in boxes and better understand them (here's looking at you, Bad Managers), many people mistook my high energy and fast thinking as Type A. Still, I do not nor will I ever believe that any of us fit into one category or fairly labeled unless it's an adjective based on observable behavior: when he yelled, he was clearly stressed; when they laughed, it seemed they were easy-going; when she took control of the discussion, she demonstrated her gravitas in the room. 

But what if you relate to a "Type A Type," and you have FOUR important life priorities that cannot be balanced when a FIFTH one is added? What if you're a single parent because your spouse passed away or has medical issues that prohibit them from being an effective parent and supportive partner? What if you're company is chronically in trouble and it has reduced the workforce to the point where there are only single points of failure and zero continuity factors?

Or what if you do not relate to a "Type A Type," or you are juggling so many priorities that every day feels like a struggle to breathe?

I want to offer this post as a healthy reminder to my readers and show audience that if we're to get anything of value done during our busiest times, we'll have to become more granular with how we consider our priorities. Yes-- not more "granular" ABOUT our priorities, which is where we usually start, weighing the pros and cons of shifting them around, but rather: how we THINK about our priorities in a more specific way.

Where and Why the Priorities?

Part of the issue is how our priorities establish the life-results we seek here in the USA (I have a dozen or so readers living in Europe: this may not relate as much, but you should be able to draw parallels).

In the USA, and particularly in high-stress regions and/or regions struggling with appropriate resources, parental priorities often default to money, safety, health, and education, not to mention the significant strain trying to find the time to "do it all" (American Psychological Association, 2024; Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development [OECD], 2024). Money is the means. I get that, and I'm not going to say money should be reprioritized. That's the exact type of priority-analysis that is unhelpful because it's impractical. (and dumb)

But in a world where scarcity is the beating drum in the background reducing our ability to concentrate, where worrying if you'll have enough (enter noun here) becomes the factor for where your priorities are, I want to give you some relief: by shifting how you think about your priorities, instead of focusing on how to fit them all in, you may find it easier to, well... ease up on your priorities.

The Art of Shifting Priorities

We all know that priorities don't stay constant, nor should they receive all of your energy every day. At least.... I hope we all know that?

Life will add new responsibilities, and it's anyone's guess if it's possible to remove a current one to "make space." And yet, that might be the first consideration we make: "Which priority do I drop?" or "Which priority do I de-prioritize?" We've been trained to think that's the best way to manage priorities, but what if we're asking the wrong questions? 

What if the better question is, "What will a good week look like (or feel like?) for me given all my priorities?" or "Should I be more flexible about what this week looks like with all these priorities?"

This makes us see a bigger picture where our priorities are a mosaic of our life-- a composite, if you will (that was my em-dash, not AI, just sayin'...). It also forces us to be real about what we have on our plates: do we force-fit all priorities into the same shape as most weeks? Or do we find the art and balance of easing up on expectations. People who are able to flex their expectations often experience less stress while maintaining higher long-term effectiveness because they conserve energy for what matters most (Bonanno & Burton, 2013).

There are weeks when re-engineering our priorities won't be helpful (a-hem, or practical); rather, it's the reframing what the week will feel like or look like that determines our priorities.

The Science of Shifting Priorities

Here's a kicker for all of us: our brains are good at switching attention, but that doesn't mean we are able to attend to several demanding priorities at the same time (we've felt it, haven't we...). 

Every time we rapidly move between competing responsibilities, our brains pay what researchers call a "switching cost," and I LOVE this concept. I'm the person in the office or at home who will create boundaries to limit "switching costs," but it wasn't until I did the research for this post that I learned the phrase for it! 

In the last 25 years, there's been more and more research on what is lost with interruptions, and I wish we talked more about this because it includes having to take on new priorities and re-prioritize (or not). And we've all experienced this, too: we spend mental energy just remembering where we left off, what still needs to be done, and what we might be forgetting. The constant mental revisits and "bookkeeping" creates fatigue that feels very different from physical exhaustion, right? It drains our ability to think clearly and make good decisions, and that kind of drain happens quietly (Rubinstein et al., 2001).

And I don't have to remind all of us that stress changes how we think, too. I've raised this in more than half of my posts: our brains naturally narrow our focus toward immediate problems when we're under chronic stress. This makes it harder to step back and see the bigger picture-- it's almost like we will feel insecure if we take that step back and let go a bit (or "ease up")(and that was also my em-dash). 

And in the world of too many priorities or to many shifting priorities, stress is often related to an environment of scarcity, and when our minds become occupied by limited resources, whether money, time, or energy, our available mental bandwidth decreases (Mullainathan & Shafir, 2013).

If All Else Fails, Give Yourself Grace... and Time

Self-compassion can be one of the most important habits we can build for ourselves. People who given themselves the same patience they would offer a close friend tend to be more flexible and less stressed when it comes to shifting priorities. They recover from setbacks more quickly, remain more motivated over time, and experience less emotional exhaustion because they are not constantly fighting themselves while trying to solve external problems they likely have no control over (Neff, 2003). 

Ease up where you can. Let "good enough" be enough for a little while, and use savvy and proactive communication to re-set expectations others may have of you with respect to priorities.

Booster for the Week!

No booster this week in support of my own "easing up."

With kindness,

Christa

(Helpful? Interesting? Please feel free to forward and invite others to subscribe at askchrista.com/newsletter.)

References

American Psychological Association. (2024). Stress in America™ 2024: Parents under pressure. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress

Bonanno, G. A., & Burton, C. L. (2013). Regulatory flexibility: An individual differences perspective on coping and emotion regulation. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 8(6), 591-612. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691613504116

Mullainathan, S., & Shafir, E. (2013). Scarcity: Why having too little means so much. Times Books.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032

Rubinstein, J. S., Meyer, D. E., & Evans, J. E. (2001). Executive control of cognitive processes in task switching. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, 27(4), 763-797. https://doi.org/10.1037/0096-1523.27.4.763

Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. (2024). Society at a glance 2024: OECD social indicators. OECD Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1787/918d8db3-en

(remember: most public libraries in the USA offer access to academic papers; however, if yours does not, then Google these papers or chapters to see where they are listed, how you can learn more about them, and how you can find similar papers to learn more about this topic)