My Boss Wastes Time Chit-Chatting, What Do I Do? (Ask Christa! S7E79)

Introduction

Hi everyone, and welcome to Ask Christa! I’m Christa Dhimo, and my show is a free resource to help people get through common day to day issues at work. In each episode I answer a listener question about business challenges and workplace issues, and you know how it helps to like and subscribe—and I THANK YOU for the support.

This is episode 79 in Season SEVEN, which continues our focus on Dealing with Bad Bosses. Remember: all my episodes offer additional resources, too, so check them out in the show notes.

Today’s episode is about what to do when your boss always stops by your desk for a chit-chat, which impacts your ability to stay focused on the work that needs to get done.

Listener Question

Here’s the listener question, “I love my boss. He cares about us, he develops us, he makes sure leadership sees us, and he gives us feedback that feels supportive and in our best interest. It’s not even uncomfortable. He’s like a coach telling you how to change your field performance so you can score a goal. It’s great. But this same skill, his ability to connect on such a deeply human level, is the same skill that I wish he’d change: he frequently stops by my desk just for a chit-chat to see how I’m doing. I know I shouldn’t complain about this considering how many amazing qualities he has as a manager, but there are a lot of times when I’m in a groove and him stopping by is disruptive and hurts my focus. What do I do?”

We All Need to Protect Our Focus at Work (boundaries are OK!)

OK—yes, I understand why you might feel torn and tense about what you’re describing, and you ARE describing what seems to be a great manager. And your manager can be an INCREDIBLE manager who you LOVE working with and STILL have issues with a few characteristics and behaviors. In this case, it’s about disruptive behavior that seems to happen while you’re in, as you say, a “groove,” and it’s legitimate to feel frustration and disappointment when that happens.

But here is a great example of why feedback skills are so essential at work, and not just when you’re a manager. It’s also a great example of why boundary skills are essential, too. If you work in a “bullpen” or cubical environment, it’s nearly impossible to maintain sensory boundaries; meaning, you will frequently hear, see, and even smell everything going on around you… I mean… some people love the smell of popcorn, but a lot of people don’t… just sayin’…

Our listener also points out a situation we rarely talk about: when you LOVE your boss, you feel fully supported, and may even feel like there’s no way you could ever get a better boss, and still there’s one or two behaviors that actually make your work life harder.

We tend to bury those needs, figuring we should already feel lucky and “why complain?”

But that’s not what this is. You’ve described a manager who clearly cares about your success and puts SO MUCH energy and attention into what you need to get good work done at work. The discomfort is likely because of how YOU feel about confronting your manager about this, not who your manager actually is, because if you were to approach your boss and use the BIC method for feedback (B for observable Behavior, I for Impact, and C for Change or Continue), you’ll probably find your boss appreciates the feedback and will immediately do what’s needed to make adjustments about when and how he interrupts your workday for chit-chat.

How to Talk About Boundaries for Focus: Start with Impact

In fact, in this case you can probably change it up a little and talk about the Impact first, then slot in his Behavior and what you’d like to see Change.

It might look like this, and the first part is a warm-up for YOUR benefit: “Hi Manager. I have a request. There are days when I’m in such a groove that any disruption or distraction hurts the momentum so much that it puts me back a few hours [that’s the Impact]. One of those examples is when you come around to my desk to catch up [that’s the Behavior]. You know how much I love working here, and boy do I appreciate all you do for me and the team [that’s affirmation of his positive impact, which I’m adding because that might make it easier for you to show your appreciation and kindness]. Can I use a visual signal on my cube, maybe a rock or something, where if it’s on the top of the wall of my cube where you can see it so you know it’s one of those times when I’m in the groove and we can catch up later? [that’s the Change]”

How to Talk About Boundaries for Focus: Start with Behavior

You can of course make it shorter and more pointed using BIC: “HI manager, I have a favor to ask. There are times when you come by to catch up [that’s the behavior] and I’m in a groove. Stopping my work at that time interrupts momentum, and I’m finding it takes more time and energy to get back into the groove [that’s the Impact]. At the same time, I enjoy catching up [that’s for YOU], so can we use a visual signal, such as a rock on the top of my cube that, when it’s there, signals that I’m in a groove and we can catch up later?”

From what our listener describes of their manager, my guess is this will be a far easier discussion that they think. Additionally, this is one of those instances where most people may just need an idea for what to change, and a visual signal for “do not disturb” is more common than most think.

But if You Don’t Have a Great Boss…

But for those of you who do not have a great boss or someone who is open to feedback and your success, or someone who may be defensive and/or offended at the very thought of you giving feedback (especially if it asks them to refrain from interrupting you), this might not be as easy.

There are some options, though. First, it’s normal and natural to feel anxious about providing feedback to a boss who isn’t open and tends to be defensive any time someone asks them to do something differently, so this isn’t something you should rush into. It’s also not something you need to be confrontational or really direct about; meaning, the name of the game is to reduce and remove stress from you, not generate more.

For example, shift the focus off of you and the disruption of your boss and instead make it about process or workflow and set expectations for the upcoming week. A proactive approach is a good approach when you’re concerned that a reactive approach may become… well… reactive.

It might sound like this, “Hi Manager, heads-up about next week: I’m going to protect a few focus blocks where I’m going to have my earbuds in to mute some of the office distractions and let those around me know I can’t do the normal chit-chat stuff during those times. I’m noticing I do better work when I don’t task-switch as much, especially when I’m in a groove. If it works out well, I may do this every week, and I wanted to be sure you are aware also.”

And if your boss is a REALLY defensive type, then shift the focus even more and make it about your manager’s priorities as a means to deflect distractions or disruptions. It could sound like this, “For next week, I’ll be working on the draft you need, so I’m going to keep my head down a lot more than usual. I’m letting the team know I won’t be able to do the usual chit-chat during the day. If it works out well, I may do this every week, and I wanted to be sure you were aware also.”

See what happens….

Additional Resources

For your resources, located in the show notes, I’m including an Ask Christa! episode 45 from Season 4, How Can I Ask My Co-Worker to Quit the Chit-Chat? It covers additional items for when you’re dealing with a peer doing this rather than a manager.

Next is an article from Convene called, “10 Ways to Shutdown Office Chatter and Actually Get Work Done.” It’s short, very to the point, and offers a few additional reads and books that could be of interest.

Last, an article from Inc. called “How Can I Make My Boss Stop Talking to Me When I’m Trying to Work?” Alison Green continues to deliver. I’ve offered a couple other articles from her as additional resources for workplace issues. Check it out.

Wrap Up & Submitting Your Question

And there it is, Episode 79 in season seven focused on Dealing with Bad Bosses. Like and subscribe here, but also go to my site and send in YOUR question. It’s AskChrista.com, that’s Christa with a C-H. You’ll also see answers to other questions, listed by category and season, and every season has a theme. As always, thank you for your support. And remember, if you have a business challenge or a workplace issue—Ask Christa!