More Answers... (06/16/26 Newsletter): When There's an Urgency to Leave

Hi Everyone, 

Here are More Answers... to help you head into the work week. Remember, you can see previous newsletters at askchrista.com/MoreAnswers.

Today’s topic: When there's an urgency to leave.

We've all felt it: that feeling like you just can't get away fast enough. A lot of times it's about having a bad boss, and if you've had a chance to build any type of reputation that demonstrates your professionalism, competencies (knowledge) and capabilities (how you get work done), chances are you have at least ONE person who sees that you have a bad boss.

And that person is usually a co-worker, a champion, a mentor... and can help with the "extraction" from the bad-boss situation. They can also vouch for you and validate the bad-boss situation you're in.

The Urgency to Leave Starts with a Lot of "Maybe's..."

But what happens when it's the entire situation? Meaning: the work environment, the department, the company? What happens when there's such an urgency to GET OUT that you're now willing to be, do, consider anything just to find and then get through the exit sign? Maybe you have a couple of co-workers you can confide in, and maybe not. Maybe you have one sponsor or mentor there who knows you well enough to know it's not going to work for you (and not because of YOU, but because the situation is incompatible). 

Maybe you're even fortunate enough to have a manage who sees that you're not the right fit, that you or the company or both have morphed beyond the role or simply cannot function as well as you'd like for a number of reasons. Or maybe you can find support to move on and find the next right-fit role, where you'll be fully employed to your abilities and capabilities, and where you can continue to develop. 

In those cases, you are able to walk to your next role, fully aware of various decisions you need to make, and having the mental space to make them-- even if you feel urgency to leave. The outside support (meaning outside of your head) makes the difference in terms of pace.

Most times when we feel that urgency, it's because WE'RE the ones who see the writing on the wall, the "no-end" situation, the dumpster fire ahead. And many times, those warnings have gone off for a little (or long) while. You waited as long as you could, hoping things might change. 

... And Stalls from a Lot of "Cannot's..."

Many times there are plenty of reasons why we don't leave sooner: it's because we can't. 

For example, here in the USA, life-necessities are locked to full time work. It's not just about the steady paycheck. In fact, a lot of people stay in jobs where they are under-employed, either at lower pay than they are worth or at a lower scope than they are trained or experienced for, or both BECAUSE the more critical elements to our lives and wellbeing are so locked in to work (Pew Research Center, 2022). This includes healthcare benefits, dental benefits, life insurance, retirement (a-hem, that WE pay for and maybe if we're lucky, a company might match). Daycare assistance, maybe. Tuition reimbursement, maybe.

Lot's of maybe's in the post so far, right?

Now I'm not saying this is what everyone experiences or experiences. There are plenty of companies that are interested in making sure their employees can thrive, feeling mutual benefit from work and living. But this post is about having a sense of urgency to LEAVE. It's not about feeling too comfortable to leave (that will probably be another post :]).

And if you feel that sense of urgency, you may find yourself running away from your current job vs walking toward a new one, a visual I talk to a lot of people about when they finally realize it's time to leave.

And I get it. I've been there, too.

So what do you do when you FIRST start feeling, "uh-oh... maybe it's time to think about a change..."?

Let's focus on that: how to avoid the urgency of leaving, even when you realize you might not be able to leave as soon as you'd like.

Number 1: Don't Wait Until You're Desperate

As I write this, I think of a few jobs I've had when I was desperate within a few months, so I recognize why this might be a "duh" statement or seem like a "that seems unavoidable" statement.

Hear me out, though. This is about how to stay attuned to, and then tuned into, your emotions as a frequent driver of your mental state-- and finding some balance. Meaning: most of us start jobs emotionally invested. We've likely gone through a few grueling interview cycles, both for the current role as well as other roles we might've been interviewing for, and we're in a job because we want it, we need it, and we intend to make the best of it, right? (or at least SOME combination?)

OK, then it doesn't it make sense that one of the most challenging aspects of leaving a job is the emotional attachment, still trying to make something work OR the emotional depletion you feel after trying to make it work for so long? It takes energy to setup for a new round of job searches, interviews, and selection, and that alone can make leaving feel daunting. So while it's easy to intellectually consider, "don't wait until you're desperate," it might not be practical.

But this is where frequent check ins with yourself, good job-seeking hygiene, and a readiness to move matters. Update your resume every quarter with the latest outcomes and metrics (your value), and keep your network fresh. Then stay on top of your emotions about and while in work: what is draining you? what is exciting you? what is keeping you up at night and what gets you up in the morning? (or makes you want to stay in bed?)

We all know-- but research also supports-- that exposure to workplace stressors reduces engagement, increases emotional exhaustion, and creates withdrawal behaviors that eventually lead to turnover intentions (Maslach & Leiter, 2016). (btw, those are my em-dashes above :]).

In other words, when a situation remains unresolved long enough, we begin mentally leaving long before we physically leave... then we have to use our emotional, and eventual mental, energy to "stay" even through we're leaving.

So keep your resume up to date, keep your network healthy, and keep your options (even if 10%) open. You may love your job and your company and your department and your team, and that's great. Even so, keep up with good job-seeking hygiene. It takes the URGE out of urgency later!

Number 2: What's a Better Fit and Why?

I've always likened jobs to relationships: if you rush into one, you're usually rushing out of it, and if you find yourself in constant mismatches, there's either a supply issue (whether where you live offers the right fit for you) or a demand issue (meaning, whether you're making the right demands).

When you get to the point of urgency or desperation to leave, it's usually related to things that aren't easy to fix: values-based issues, toxic cultural dynamics, bad bosses who receive no coaching, chronic underutilization of talent. If these things were easy to fix, we'd all fix them. By the time you're frantically looking for an exit, the damage is beyond repair, but there were various right-fit factors that likely started the damage in the first place.

Research on person-organization fit has consistently shown that when employees experience a mismatch between their values and the organization's culture, satisfaction declines and turnover becomes more likely (Kristof-Brown et al., 2005). We know this. But further to that: we're that much more likely to repeat the same selection mistake, so ask yourself: what's a better fit and why? What type of company, manager, department, leadership team are you seeking? Where would you thrive and why? What questions will you ask in your next interview to be sure you get closer to the right match so you aren't seeking an exit?

You deserve to be in a place where you feel you are properly utilized, respected, and valued. Any sense of "I've gotta get out of this place!" is probably because one or three of those elements are diminished or missing completely. As you seek your next role, dig into what you want, why, and how you'll ask about it in your next round of interviews.

Booster for the Week!

In the last many months I've been wonderfully surprised at the depth, expertise, and GREAT career advice from the Indeed Editorial Team and their YouTube channel. I frequently offer their resources in my Ask Christa! episodes, and today is no different. I've selected "8 Steps to Take When Your Job is Not what You Expected." It's an article to read with a video to listen to or watch if you prefer.

The eight steps are all steps we know, but I like the structure and the additional resources. Plus-- it's great to get started on using Indeed resources more regularly.

With kindness,

Christa

(Helpful? Interesting? Please feel free to forward and invite others to subscribe at askchrista.com/newsletter.)

References

Forret, M. L., & Dougherty, T. W. (2004). Networking behaviors and career outcomes: Differences for men and women? Journal of Organizational Behavior, 25(3), 419-437. https://doi.org/10.1002/job.253

Kristof-Brown, A. L., Zimmerman, R. D., & Johnson, E. C. (2005). Consequences of individuals' fit at work: A meta-analysis of person-job, person-organization, person-group, and person-supervisor fit. Personnel Psychology, 58(2), 281-342. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1744-6570.2005.00672.x

Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Understanding the burnout experience: Recent research and its implications for psychiatry. World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103-111. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.20311

Pew Research Center. (2022). The great resignation: Why workers are quitting jobs in record numbers. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2022/03/09/the-great-resignation-why-workers-are-quitting-jobs-in-record-numbers/

(remember: most public libraries in the USA offer access to academic papers; however, if yours does not, then Google these papers or chapters to see where they are listed, how you can learn more about them, and how you can find similar papers to learn more about this topic)