Season 2's Episode 15 is out-- in the 10 minute segment, I answer a question about how to give feedback to a defensive co-worker, and for starters: don't react. It’s easy to feel defensive after experiencing defensive behavior because that’s the point, and the first time you receive a defensive response, the aim from the other person is to shut what you said down, and shut you down so you won’t do that again. That neutralizes whatever threat the other person may feel.
And their defensiveness is meant to move the spotlight off of them and onto you so they don’t have to deal with whatever triggered them.
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