My Boss is a Good Person but Bad Manager. How do I Deal? (Ask Christa! S6E66)

Introduction

Hi everyone and welcome to Ask Christa! where I answer listener questions about business challenges and workplace issues. I’m Christa Dhimo and this is episode 66 in Season SIX as we continue focusing on Dealing with Bad Bosses. Remember, most people aren’t prepared to become a manager, and if you’re having issues with YOUR boss, chances are your boss is having issues with THEIR boss, too, and that keeps the bad-boss cycle going.

Today’s episode is about what to do when you like your boss as a person, but can’t stand your boss as a BOSS.

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Listener Question

Here’s the listener question, “My manager manages five professionals, all ranging from 10 – 20 years’ experience. And we’ve all been here at least five years. For the most part, we know what we’re doing, we know who the players are, we have great reputations, and we get our jobs done. We’re a good team, and we always meet our goals, but I feel like we’re a good team because of us, not because of our manager. Some of us are getting frustrated because we want to grow and develop, but she’s only focused on how we’ll meet our goals, which we’re going to meet because we always meet them.

She’s been our manager for two years, and the first year was ok, but now it’s obvious we’re not getting a lot from her. We have more senior people on our team who see where she’s struggling, and they’re coaching her along, but it’s taking a while to get her to focus on our development. It’s a weird place to be because we all like her as a person, but not so much as a manager. How do we deal with this?”

This is an unusual scenario, but not uncommon. How we click with people has a lot of layers and there are A LOT of ways we interact, shift, change, adjust, and manage various inputs and outputs from each other, including how we manage the dynamics and expectations we have of our boss.

Two Things that Enable Manager Success: Likability and Coachability

What I like about this question is how thoughtful and focused our listener is about what’s going on—that our listener can step back enough to realize there are good qualities to their manager and that the manager is a likable person, but the lack of management skills—PEOPLE management skills, and not just TASK management skills— is hurting the relationships. Believe it or not, growth and development are always in the top 3 or 4 most important aspects of a job, so it doesn’t surprise me that our listener is focused on just that.

Our listener also describes how the more experienced team members are coaching the manager along,  so there are two aspects of this question that tells me this is something the team can address and solve for:

One is that the manager is likable. That’s important because it will motivate the team to help her succeed while they also focus on what THEY need to feel they’re setup for success with their growth and not just with their goals. The part the manager is struggling with has to do with respect. But likable is better than un-likable when respect is teetering on collapse.

The other, and perhaps even more important, is that the manager sounds coachable. 

Leverage the Likability, Grow the Respect through Action

And so, there are a few things going on here: the manager clearly has good personal skills if the team likes her, and that’s GOOD. It’s a foundation from which you can build, and clearly the team is giving their manager some room to improve. Importantly, though, she needs to improve. And she needs to demonstrate that through her actions.

And, the hardest part for most teams may not be the hardest part for this team: whether the manager is coachable or not.

Our listener clearly has their manager’s best interests in mind as a means to get to the teams’ best interests, too. In this case, it’s growth and development. 

SO with such a straightforward situation, there are three things that might make this easier than it seems:

First: leverage the likability. You like your manager, and that means you feel connected and probably feel comfortable talking to her. We’re going to use that as a benefit to you both.

Second: leverage the coachability. This is usually the hard part of giving a manager feedback, but it doesn’t seem to be an issue, and it’s highly likely she’ll appreciate the feedback.

Third: ask her to do things differently.

Operationalizing the Talk: How to Deal

Here’s what it looks like: use the BIC method I’ve talked about in a few episodes already: B is for Behavior, I is for Impact, C is for Change or Continue. 

Here’s just one way to go about it:

Give your manager a heads-up and say, “Do you mind if I setup time for us to review my growth and development goals? That’s a part of my career that’s really important to me, and I want to be sure we’re staying on top of it.” (I doubt she’ll say no or opt-out, but if she does, go to Season 5 of Ask Christa! where there are a few episodes about career growth; episode 55 focuses on how to develop if there is no budget—you may have a budget, but if you don’t have your manager’s buy-in to develop, that episode may be helpful anyway)

Then setup time with your boss and enter into the subject line “Follow-up Meeting: Growth and Development.” Include a clear purpose and some topics in the body of the invitation, such as “The purpose of this meeting is to talk about opportunities for my growth and development. Topics will include: reviewing my growth goals, discussing ways to collaborate toward achieving those goals, reviewing  appropriate ways I can receive support, and agreeing to track my development and next steps.”

Tracking your development is an important part of the discussion because that could lead to future opportunities and even promotions. By tracking your growth, you are in a position to demonstrate your development, and that’s what she’ll need to further enable your FUTURE growth… and development. She may not need that now, but… you’re going to stay on top of this, and… we should ALL take control of our development. It’s OUR job to do that, not our managers. Our managers are there to remove obstacles and open paths for growth and development, but it’s up to us to drive it.

When your meeting starts, begin with something like this, “Hi manager, thanks for meeting. As you know, growth and development is really important to me. We place a lot of focus on meeting our work goals, but I’d like this to start being part of our shared goals, too, so our goals aren’t just about tasks and deliverables, but also about how we’re developing ourselves. In the next year or two, I’d like to be in position to [then name where you’d like to be in the next year or two], and long term I’m thinking that [then list some of your longer-term goals, but it’s ok if you just want to focus on shorter-term goals for now].” Conclude with, “I’d really like us to create a roadmap that helps me achieve those goals, including anyone in our team or the organization who might be a guiding resource for me as I grow and develop.”

Then let the discussion take shape. See what happens.

With this approach, you are leading your own growth and development discussion, which helps initiate clarity and responsiveness, and you’re also COACHING your manager for what a growth and development discussion should look like. 

If you feel the discussion goes well, before you close thank her for her time, apply the BIC method: tell her how well you thought the discussion went as a description of the behavior you observed. Let her know how the discussion impacted you, then encourage her to have similar discussions with peers in your team. Close with how these discussions may not seem top of mind on the day to day, but that it’s an important part of an employee’s career.

If it Doesn’t Go as Planned

If it doesn’t go as well as you had hoped, or if you feel like you’re doing ALL the lifting during the meeting, or if you simply get the sense that she has no idea how to have a growth and development discussion, then after the meeting, go to someone you trust and get some coaching, too: perhaps the more experienced team members who are currently coaching her, or a trusted work friend in a different team, or even someone outside of your organization.

Or… me. Send in a follow-up. Anyone who sends me a question, even if your question is consolidated into a similar question like these last two seasons, everyone receives a personal email from me acknowledging receipt of your question, then letting you know when your episode will drop so you can be on the lookout for it. 

For our listener, thank you for your care of your manager and your own growth and development. 

Additional Resources

For your resources, located in the show notes, I’ve included a 2023 article from Forbes called, “Taking the Wheel: How to Drive Your Own Professional Development.” It’s simple, straightforward, and brief. It may have everything you’ve already thought of, but if not, you’ll get some traction and ideas from it.

Next up: an article from Jennifer Herrity on the Indeed Career Advice column called, “10 Strategies to Effectively Promote your Professional Growth.” As my more regular listeners know, I’ve grown a deep appreciation of various Indeed articles because of how practical they are—AND, they have various additional resources as well as citations and alignment to business-related research when appropriate.

Last: I’ve included a SECOND article from Forbes published in 2017 by former contributor Liz Ryan. It’s called, “Five signs your boss is a nice person but a terrible manager.” I include this more as a “You’re Not Alone” article. There isn’t crisp advice, but it’s always important to know there are others who are experience what you’re experiencing, and the article may generate a few new ideas that will help you. 

Wrap Up & Submitting Your Question

And that’s a wrap for Episode 66 as we continue season six focused on Dealing with Difficult Bosses. Sure! Like and subscribe here, but send in your question. Go to my site, AskChrista.com, that’s Christa with a C-H and click on Submit Your Question. You’ll also see answers to other questions, listed by category and season, and every season has a theme. And sign up for my More Answers newsletter to get quick tips and resource boosts for the workplace.

As always, thank you for your support. And remember, if you have a business challenge or a workplace issue—Ask Christa!