My Boss Belittles My Co-Worker, What Should I Do? (Ask Christa! S6E63)

Introduction

Hi everyone and welcome to Ask Christa! where I answer listener questions about business challenges and workplace issues. Thanks for tuning in, I’m Christa Dhimo and this is episode 63 in Season SIX, which focuses on Dealing with Bad Bosses. Remember, most people aren’t prepared to become a manager, and if you’re having issues with YOUR boss, chances are your boss is having issues with THEIR boss, too, and that keeps the bad-boss cycle going.

Today’s episode is about what to do when you see your boss belittling and disrespecting a coworker—repeatedly! Ugh!

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Listener Question

Here’s the listener question, “My manager is a difficult man. He is stressed out all the time, and we take turns wondering who’s going to be his punching bag during our weekly team meetings. Most of us shake it off, but there’s one new team member who’s been with us for six months, and he’s struggling with our boss’s temperament. He transitioned into our team due to a restructure, so he’s not new to our company, only to our team. Our manager has started to belittle our new team member in front of us, putting our team mate down for not answering questions fast enough, then making comments about whether the new team member can handle the stress of our work, and how easy our teammate had it in the previous team—most who were laid off with the restructure. It’s hard for all of us to watch. We’re thinking of going to HR, but we don’t want to make things worse for our team mate. He’s a good worker. We also don’t want any retaliation from our manager, even if we can handle it. How should we address this, though?”

Policies, policies, policies. Laws, laws, laws.

OK. Yes, this is an issue in A LOT of organizations where bad behavior is excused, coddled, maintained, avoided… NO BUSINESS will do better or be more successful when managers belittle, put down, and push around their employees. If there is a performance issue, there should be professional, efficient, and LAWFUL, processes available as the ONLY resort.

SO. Identify and begin to document the behavior, including when you see it, where you are, during what meeting, topics at hand, and what you observe. Keep it as objective as possible. Just the facts.

While you start doing that, review your company’s policies—and don’t default to, “oh, those don’t matter, they’re just pieces of paper to check off a box,” because those are ALSO the pieces of paper that bind an organization to their stated policies… AND… those stated policies are useful when and if legal action takes place (you have but to look at VARIOUS headlines in 2017, 2018 and since to get a sense of just HOW useful they can be.

By the way, they also often support federal and state laws that are very specific about Harassment Behaviors, and these days, bullying in the workplace and fear of retaliation is covered very VERY clearly.

Read up on your Harassment policies, often called “Anti-Harassment” or “Anti-Harassment and Anti-Bullying” policies. Get informed and resist any cynicism that bends you to think that nothing will change. You want it to change—you sent me a question about this. You can MAKE it change.

Second, read up on the laws that WILL BE mentioned in those policies. Most times a Google search will return a summary to help you know the laws in every day terms.

Report, report, report.

Last, follow your policies and report the behavior to the proper places in the proper way. There is usually a confidential hotline where you can opt to be anonymous or to share your contact information. And to be clear: confidential means information is handled and managed only with those who have specific access to the information; this means your name and identifying information will only be known to those on a need-to-know basis, and that DOES NOT include the person you are reporting. It seldom even includes those in the same orbit. 

They will be informed of the investigation, but they will not be provided any identifiers of who reported, and the investigators, as professionals, will also exclude any identifiable information, making it difficult to know who reported. They’ll even offer upfront that the investigation is done in a way that protects the person who reported the issue as per the policies as well as certain laws affording confidentiality.

Anonymous means you can remain nameless—no one will know who you are, so if you want, you can be… anonymous. You don’t have to give your contact information. 

BUT. It’s always helpful to share your contact information so an investigator can follow-up with you and gain additional context and evidence you’re comfortable sharing. But you WILL have the option to not share your contact information if that feels too risky, and an investigation will still take place. It will simply be from an anonymous reporter. 

Reporting Hotlines Are Not Part of Your Company

By the way, these hotlines, often called an Ethics and Compliance hotline or a Reporting Hotline, they’re managed by objective third-parties that do this for a living. It is how they make money, so they aren’t interested in botching up confidentiality or anonymity. That hardly gets you a referral, and they have certain legal bounds they have to work under, too.

For publicly traded companies, you can expect a reporting line to be available to employees as a requirement because of regulations. It is part of what protects public shareholders. If your company does not offer this service, and smaller companies that aren’t required to by law probably don’t because it’s an extra expense, it doesn’t mean things stop there. Look to your state reporting structures for state laws and federal reporting structures for federal laws because they WILL have reporting options, too. OR, contact your local representative. Yes—yes… their team will know what to do and how to help.

You might think, “nah… this is isn’t worth all that…” and that’s up to you. But for our listener, it bothered you enough to submit your question to me, so … keep it going. AND… thank you for sticking up for your co-worker.

Additional Resources

For your resources, located in the show notes, I’ve included a mix and range of resources.

First is from Case IQ, written by Ann Snook and published January 2025. It’s called, “10 Clear signs your manager might be a workplace bully (and how to respond.” I’m starting with this one because the article offers insights to what it looks like, what to do, resources to consider, and next steps.

I also included a seven minute video from Ginny Clarke, one of my FAVORITE people to listen to, called, “Got a workplace bully? Here’s how to fight back (professionally, of course).” You’ll hear her usual balanced approach, information, encouragement, strength, and relatability. Subscribe to her channel for all kinds of insights for workplace dynamics.

Next up, the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which upholds laws passed by the US Legislative Branch (quick reminder: US Congress creates, writes, votes on, and passes laws—no one else). It’s important for everyone to know their rights—workplace issues included. Get informed.

Last, and informative and action-focused article from Project WHEN from September 2021. Project WHEN is a non-profit organization that, according to their website, is dedicated to creating safer, more respectful workplaces through [their] comprehensive research and actionable solutions. I am not affiliated with Project WHEN, but they have excellent resources on their site.

Wrap Up & Submitting Your Question

And there it is, Episode 63 as we continue season six focused on Dealing with Difficult Bosses. Please like and subscribe here, but why not send in a question? Go to my site, AskChrista.com, that’s Christa with a C-H and click on Submit Your Question. You’ll also see other episodes there, listed by category and season, and every season has a theme. And sign up for my More Answers newsletter to get quick tips and resource boosts for the workplace.

As always, thank you for your support. And remember, if you have a business challenge or a workplace issue—Ask Christa!