More Answers... (8/17/25 Newsletter): The Power of a Third Place

Hi Everyone,

Here's the blog version of the Sunday Evening "More Answers..." to get a friendly boost to setup your work week! 

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Lost in Space

When I was little-- I mean, when I was a child (at 5'1" I still feel little hah hah), I was a big-time SciFi fan. Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it was ALL about space: Star Trek, Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind (I still make Devil's Tower with my mashed potatoes), E.T., Starman, Alien... even Enemy Mine, although that was more a movie about the human condition than actual space.

But I was born a realist, so even as a child I would think-- REALLY THINK-- about what it would be like being in space. The only thing that scared me was what it would be like getting lost in space by myself-- and not because I was afraid of or do not like the thought of being alone. I'm actually OK with that. It was something else, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Then I grew up and popular genres changed.

Forty years later I have been thinking about it again, though: a fear of being lost in space. I can say with certainty that it still isn't about whether I'm alone or even because I'd worry about whether I'd be found. But this time I've got it.

It is because I am the type of person who needs community; not just people, but community, and when you have community, you never feel alone, even when you're alone.

Third Places (no, not bronze medals) 

Recently I was introduced to the book The Great Good Place by Ray Oldenburg, PhD (1989, 1997, 2023). I hope you hear more about this book because it likely has more meaning now as we sunset 2025 than ever before. If you haven't heard of it already, I'm glad to be the first to tell you.

An important note: despite my many degrees, professional credentials, and PMP certification, I'm not one who typically enjoys books. I love learning, and I have a high absorptive capacity to take in and apply a lot of information, but that doesn't mean I love books.

Some of this is because of natural time constraints when living a full life (I simply don't have the time to enjoy books right now), but way more of it is because it's hard for me to find well-written fiction that captures my attention for longer than a few chapters. It's even harder for me to find pioneering non-fiction that teaches me something... although I'll admit, I do love a good autobiography from time to time.

But this feels different because a big part of The Great Good Place is a phrase Oldenburg coined "Third Places." The premise is we have the home place and the workplace, then a third place where society connects as people: socially, civically, personally.

Coffee shops, bars, community centers, hair salons-- even dog parks.

As a social scientist, Odenburg was onto something over 30 years ago that has never been more important in today's world. His "Third Places" phrase not only points to some of what we all need in society today, but most certainly what we need at work-- particularly for those who work from home or telecommute where some may work from a remote office outside of the home, but not in the office where their team is.

I Got Lost in Space... (for real)

As I entered my mid-30s, I worked hard but barely played hard. My formative years were in the 80s, and that was all about fast pace, briefcases, and moving mountains. At work. Everything else seemed like nonsense.

By the 90s, there seemed little need for a Third Place-- who has time for that when you are working all day then going home to watch a bit of TV and go to bed to recharge for the next day?

I worked hard.

And to get around the chronic lack of development and promotions after the dot-com burst, 911, two wars, AND The Great Recession, I strategically moved jobs three times in six years from my early 30s to my late 30s. 

But by the third self-created promotion, I was in a "work hard... just work hard..." mode. I effectively avoided the major career stagnation many others in my peer group experienced, but it also meant I used up a lot of time and energy thinking about and then plotting my own career development roadmap, learning how to negotiate title and salary promotions (at a time when even LinkedIn was only 3-4 years old), and find the right opportunities to keep me on my career path.

It left me feeling hollow.

I lost gravity.

I was, in many ways, lost in space.

The Power of a Third Place

At the same time, I was three years into the purchase of a house, and I lived on a dead-end street with incredible neighbors... all retired. Although I knew the people around me, I didn't really have people around me. Sure, I talked to my neighbors, but working hard meant I slept at home. I went to work. I slept at home. I went to work.

And the places where I worked needed me to make improvements and turn a few things around, which I LOVE doing, but it doesn't make for an easy "in" on a social work level at work.

I had been in my house for three years and hardly felt I lived in a neighborhood, so one night I braved going into a local place three blocks from my house-- a restaurant that harkened the look of The Double Deuce from the original Roadhouse movie (half of you will need to Google that ;] ). 

I brought a friend of mine because of course I did, and not only was it an exceptionally friendly place, but it became-- without me realizing-- my perfect Third Place.

And wow, did I need it.

Remember: I only recently heard of the term "Third Place," so obviously I wasn't thinking of it that way at the time, but I'll say this: I became a regular who was there every Friday night after work. I would comfortably walk in by myself or with a friend-- either way, I knew them and they knew me. I spent time there with a community-- MY community. And three hours there was so restorative that I felt the work week was weeks away on both sides of the weekend.

My third place stopped time, filled me up, and gave me such comfort. No matter what happened at work that week, I belonged in my Third Place, and the power of a third place cannot be described. It needs to be experienced.

A Third Place at Work? 

By definition, a Third Place is NOT work. But, for so many these days, work and home may be within 10 feet of each other, so let's focus on what a Third Place symbolizes and what it provides: social connection outside of the home and work where we find others to hold hands with (metaphorically). 

So instead of thinking about whether there is a Third Place available to us, let's think about how to build a Third Place: a virtual setting OUTSIDE your home office:

* Book clubs or movie clubs

* Music shares or podcast listens

* Bike clubs or running clubs

* Photography or sip-n-paints (I hear those are a lot of fun hah hah!! And if you gather virtually, you can all buy a paint-by-number and do it that way!)

My point is this: in 2025, the Third Place may feel non-existent or like a heavy lift to find, mingle in, etc. It's also probably more important than any time in the history of history: finding a Third Place in our electronically-based world needs to be a much much higher priority than any of us even THINK about.

But it's time to do it. First, find an in-person community wherever you can-- the in-person matters, but Second: if that's not feasible, take advantage of a virtual world that can still offer human connection, and connect.

It's just too easy for any of us to become lost in space.

BOOSTER FOR YOUR WEEK!!!  

Tips for Finding, Creating, Going for A Third Place...

This week I'm offering information and ideas for YOUR Third Place, in no particular order:

From VerywellMind: https://www.verywellmind.com/why-third-places-matter-8584788 (to learn more and give plenty of ideas for YOUR third place)

From WeShouldGetTogether, which I do not follow, but the book and premise would have helped me a TON in my 20s when most of my friends were married with children and I was building my career! I found this interesting blog that may or may not resonate for you, but certainly offers something for everyone:

 https://weshouldgettogether.com/blog/hidden-barrier-to-third...

From Shelby Church on YouTube (I do not follow her content, but this video about third places got 100K+ views, and after watching it, I think it will resonate): https://youtu.be/gC-hOE9HWmg?si=EO4tBKQFn4T25c_g

The key to balance, satisfaction, and fulfillment is not about categorizing our lives and divvying up where our energy and time and attention goes. It's about appreciating our lives as a composite of everything together all the time.

Our WHOLE lives impact our perception of WORK LIFE, and most times our perception of WORK LIFE impacts our perception of EVERYTHING.

(your work for this week: find your Third Place)

And remember, if you have a business challenge or workplace issue... Ask Christa! 

See you next week!!!

With kindness,
Christa

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