More Answers... (03/23/26 Newsletter): Rebuilding Confidence

Hi Everyone, 

Here are More Answers... to help you head into the work week. Remember, you can see previous newsletters at askchrista.com/MoreAnswers.

Today’s topic: Rebuilding Confidence

We place a lot of emphasis on confidence, and as a result, we often over-diagnose or underestimate how much of it we have, why, and how much we lack. This is a mistake. There's no such thing as having a "lack of confidence" or "low confidence" in a general way, yet this is how we tend to frame our reflections about confidence: we have it, or we don't. We have a lot of it, or not enough. We have some, but wish we had more, like that person over there.

And worse: we frequently connect confidence with competence, and that's no accident. Workplaces do this. Bosses do this even when they're trained to know better (because effective management and leadership training focuses on how to manage competency vs confidence). 

The Competence - Confidence Trap

It's not just the workplace. We reinforce the "causative = competence" confidence myth, too. When we have high competence in something, it's easy to feel confident (whether we should or not). We don't stop to think, "wait a minute, competence and confidence are two different things." Why would we? In most cultures, high competence is recognized and rewarded. A. LOT.

But... that's the problem. If we are not recognized... if we are not rewarded... our confidence starts to dwindle. Here is where we make the mistakes we make. Competence and confidence are related, but as the famous saying goes, "correlation is not causation."

And so, I'm going to ask all of us to start thinking about confidence as being connected with how much we have done something versus how much we know. For example, I may know nothing about baking overall, but if I've made enough corn muffins from scratch, I will be confident with how to make corn muffins from scratch. Does this mean I'm confident to make a wedding cake from scratch? (you get my point)

So why don't we apply the same logic to work?

Let's start drawing out what confidence means to us and stop associating it 100% to competence. That's a false match.

Build Your Confidence by Doing, Not Knowing

Work is about getting work done, so I want us all to move away from putting our confidence in what we KNOW (which is about learning) and shifting it to how we DO. 

It's OK to be confident about learning, but my point in shifting perspective and framing is because the quickest way to lose confidence, or have your confidence impacted, is to cross the lines between knowing and doing.

A great example of this is when a student learns a new concept and is tested on the vocabulary, theories, and fundamentals of what they have learned. If they do well, it is because they learned the material, but that doesn't always translate into understanding the application of the concepts (and vocabulary, theories, and fundamentals). If they are to develop skills, though, they have to DO the work beyond the concepts: they must apply it over and over again to various scenarios and circumstances.

For many students, the "testing" part increases their confidence if they continue to do well. But those same students, once "in the field" applying the learning, may suddenly find themselves unable to apply their learning. They can only do that through DOING it. (automotive technology and technicians or aircraft technicians are a great example of this). As such, their book-related competence or knowledge may be high, but that doesn't mean they are confident yet.

The inverse is true, too, and we see this with high school and college students: it isn't until they DO the work that the knowledge becomes real. As such, many students do not gain confidence in a new skill or concept until they have DONE the work over and over again. (most Adult Learning Theories follow this framework, too) 

Research on self-efficacy, which I talked about last week, shows that confidence is built through repeated and direct experience. Simply "knowing" isn't enough (Bandura, 1997).

Confidence comes from the DOING, not the KNOWING.

This is a key place from which to start if you need to rebuild confidence.

Rebuild with Small, Meaningful Steps

When confidence takes a hit, whether from a setback, a loss, or a period of discouragement, you may start with you and you may start with others: 

What did I do?
Why didn't my boss...
Am I capable?
Why didn't my boss see how capable I am?

Go there secondarily, though. Resist the urge or natural step in starting there. Any answer you come up with will be your own answer, likely to help you work through the hit to your confidence. In that way, any answers you find will be firstly (and rightly) to help you work through bad feelings.

But that's not going to necessarily help with your confidence. It will simply help you with your bad feelings (still really important, just not the starting point of rebuilding confidence).

Research suggests that small, successful experiences are one of the most effective ways to rebuild a sense of capability and confidence in how you do something and what you do (Bandura, 1997). Each time you complete something, contribute something, or navigate something, you create evidence. That evidence builds, and THAT is what contributes to confidence.

Many people I've coached and advised over the years felt beaten down by bad bosses and/or unappreciative work environments. When we talked more deeply and honestly about where they were coming from, they were able to see how they also rarely had the opportunity to do what they do best, contribute what they had to offer, showcase their value, and/or prove (with evidence) just how capable they were.

As a result, their confidence had been worn down anyway. It wasn't a single event that did it-- although the lay off may have did them in, per se-- it was a slow erosion of their confidence while they were doing what was needed versus doing what they knew the most about or were the most capable in.

Correlative, not causative.

And knowing matter less than doing. (or not doing)

If you find yourself in need of rebuilding confidence, start doing what you do best in small steps.

Booster for the Week!

You don't need to be in a toxic environment to have your confidence impacted, but if that's where you are, this booster is for you. It's a 12-minute episode from Jennifer Brick (2021) called, "How to build confidence after a toxic workplace (Toxic job Recovery) "

I learned about Jennifer Brick's work by searching for this week's booster, and her channel is fascinating. As a social scientist who specialized in criminology, she looks at toxic workplaces as environments with patterns than can be predicted (my work is similar, but focused on patterns that lead to poor performance in organizations and strategy execution).

She offers five tips and a bonus for rebuilding confidence if you are IN or have LEFT a toxic work environment. Some will feel "well, yeah, duh..." but even those are good reminders.

Enjoy!! 

With kindness,

Christa

(Helpful? Interesting? Please feel free to forward and invite others to subscribe at askchrista.com/newsletter.)

References

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H. Freeman.

(remember: most public libraries in the USA offer access to academic papers; however, if yours does not, then Google these papers to see where they are listed, how you can learn more about them, and how you can find similar papers to learn more about conflict management and conflict resolution in the workplace)