More Answers... (02/16/26): When the Subtraction Factor of Change is GOOD!!

More Answers from Ask Christa! 

Hi Everyone, 

Here are More Answers... to help you head into the work week. Remember, you can see previous newsletters at askchrista.com/MoreAnswers.

Today’s topic: When the Subtraction Factor of Change is GOOD!!

We spend a lot of time thinking about, preparing for, and trying to do well when our lives transition from something we're used to-- whether we like it or not-- to something new. Or maybe it's just about removing a few things, making room for new things, then adding those new things.

It's time we all spend more energy on envisioning how much better life always is on the other side of a life change.

Why Not Envision on "The Other Side" as a Paradise?

I know, I know... you're saying, "Christa? I cannot remember the last time something good came about from a big change that happened."

But that's my point. This week's note isn't about a change that simply "happens" or one you feel "happened to you." It's about stepping up and then stepping in to a zone where YOU'RE the one making the changes.

Various elements in our lives are still in our control, despite what the world feels like these days.  OR! Let's say that a decision to subtract something from our lives and add something to our lives is largely still in our hands: selling / buying a house, applying for a new job, meeting up with new friends, joining a new community, even preparing to learn a new hobby. 

Sometimes it's breaking up with someone, getting a divorce, or leaving a job you loved when you finally had the courage to say, "this isn't the right fit for me, I need to move on." 

OK... that last example hardly seems normative these days since job security doesn't exist for most people, but there are times when someone knows they need to leave a workplace they love because they love the people or the boss or the commute or the benefits-- but it's a dead end job, or the pay isn't sustainable for you, or it's just not fulfilling work.

Then we spend all our time on decisions leading up to the change and why it's important to follow-through. Some may think they can easily make shifts in their lives, but any change worth doing isn't that easy, I don't care who you are. You'll compare benefits and risks of a change, consider what the time or money or emotional (or all three) investment will bring for a return, and you'll consider whether the add actually adds, or if the subtraction creates room for new adds.

At least, you SHOULD be thinking of all this.

But why not spend equal parts of your time focused not just on the "return" of a new add or time/money/emotional investment, but also on how liberating or freeing or exceptionally good it will be for you to have the subtraction, too?

Life Fulfillment Isn't Just about ADDING Things... it's also about SUBTRACTING Things...

This week I'm asking all of us, me included, to put some focus on the other side of the change, because it's not just about whether the change (and hence transition) will bring or add benefit, but also about why it's good for us because it also leaves behind or subtracts risks-- or anything that was no longer in service to us, as the saying goes.

Research on life transitions suggests that people adapt more successfully when they engage in proactive coping, which includes anticipating future demands and envisioning positive outcomes before and during the transition (Aspinwall & Taylor, 1997). In other words, part of any life change is about picturing the life after a change, not just HOW you will make the change. A lot of this is because we focus on what we're losing and match that to what we believe we will add, but I'm asking us all to reframe life changes: we should focus less on the math and more on the leveling-up of our lives.

We must also break free from the idea that change happens to us. That loss happens to us. That for every gain, we will have to get used to various gaps.

In that way, it's easy to forget our agency. Even when change is not fully in our control, we still have influence over how we respond and what we build next-- and we have influence over how we will see the subtractions as opening up space and opportunities for other adds.

Studies on psychological adaptation show that people routinely underestimate their capacity to adjust to major life changes, both positive and negative (Gilbert et al., 1998). In other words: we are far more capable than we think. (we are also far better at change than we give ourselves credit for)

Booster for the Week!

For your booster this week, I have a video from Joshua Becker who talks about minimalism (I've been a minimalist since I was 4 years old, so this isn't a new concept for me :] ). I offer this video not to focus on minimalism, but to focus on the good that can come from changes that subtract things from our lives. This type of mindset can be refreshingly empowering AND might get you to make that life change you've been considering.

"9 Ways to Improve Your Life through Subtraction and the Science Behind It." (Joshua Becker, 2021)

With kindness,

Christa

(Helpful? Interesting? Please feel free to forward and invite others to subscribe at askchrista.com/newsletter.)

References

Aspinwall, L. G., & Taylor, S. E. (1997). A stitch in time: Self-regulation and proactive coping. Psychological Bulletin, 121(3), 417–436. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.121.3.417

Gilbert, D. T., Pinel, E. C., Wilson, T. D., Blumberg, S. J., & Wheatley, T. P. (1998). Immune neglect: A source of durability bias in affective forecasting. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(3), 617–638. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.75.3.617

(remember: most public libraries in the USA offer access to academic papers; however, if yours does not, then Google these papers to see where they are listed, how you can learn more about them, and how you can find similar papers to learn more about conflict management and conflict resolution in the workplace)